


sorry about the blood in your mouth (i wish it was mine)

by sapphfics



Series: lockdown laments [5]
Category: Dare Me (TV 2019), Dare Me - Megan Abbott
Genre: Addy Hanlon’s Point of View, Dialogue Heavy, F/F, Fix-It, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied Sexual Content, Jealousy, Post-Canon, Second Kiss, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-10
Updated: 2020-04-10
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:08:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23571346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sapphfics/pseuds/sapphfics
Summary: “Coach fucked you over.”Beth says it like she can see it in Addy’s sunken eyes, smell it in the sweat of the gym, and could hear it in the silence which is all Addy has been giving her since that horrible night.Or: Post finale, Addy and Beth actually discuss their feelings for once.
Relationships: Beth Cassidy/Addy Hanlon
Series: lockdown laments [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1681501
Comments: 14
Kudos: 112





	sorry about the blood in your mouth (i wish it was mine)

“Coach fucked you over.”

Beth says it like she can see it in Addy’s sunken eyes, smell it in the sweat of the gym, and could hear it in the silence which is all Addy has been giving her since that horrible night. 

They haven’t spoken for a week since the party. Coach has been absent from school for that long too, claiming illness. Addy hasn’t been around much either, skipping school altogether and hiding in baggy clothes whenever she runs in the cover of night. One day more, and Addy might’ve considered changing her wallpaper. How the mighty have fallen, she thinks.

And Beth doesn’t like to fall. 

They’re in the gym and it’s empty. Addy can’t sleep much, so she runs until she can’t feel her legs, then sits in her car trying to sleep for hours until six am when the janitor finally opened the school. 

“Good morning to you too,” Addy replies, sourly, jumps slightly at her voice. She hates loud noise now, can’t stop thinking it’s gunfire. It’s not a question and Addy doesn’t hate her but she still won’t give Beth the satisfaction of being right. “She told me I was her friend, that I was the only friend she ever had.” 

“Friend?” Beth laughs, and it’s a bit cruel but Addy knows it’s not at her expense. Or at least, she hopes it isn’t. She can never quite tell with Beth. “God, really, she went for that tired line? That bitch needs to find some fucking adult friends.” 

“Can you blame her?” Addy shrugs. “I mean, I’d rather hang out with me then go hang out with any adults in this town. All drunk creeps. And she isn’t a bitch, she’s just damaged.” 

“And you really think you can fix her,” Beth sighs. “Celebrating was boring without you, my girl.” 

“I didn’t feel like celebrating.”

“Yeah cause that bitch clearly made you see some shit and you’ve clearly got PTSD because of it and I will be damned if you end up like Sarge Will. I’m taking you to a therapist.” 

“No you’re not. You don’t get it, if I tell a therapist, my life is over!” Addy doesn’t ever shout at Beth, only ever raises her voice slightly. “And I’m not going to the cops. It’s a small town and I’m black, you know what will happen. They’ll blame it on me or beat me until I confess to something I didn’t do.”

“If you tell me exactly what you know,” Beth says, tantalisingly slowly. “I will go to the cops. You won’t get in any trouble, Addy. I miss you. I’ve missed you ever since you first locked eyes with Coach French.” 

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Addy says, for what feels like the thousandth time. “Once I get that cheer scholarship and I get out of this fucking hell hole of a town, all of this will be over and I can move on with my life. It’s gonna be ruled a suicide again.” 

“How are you still so innocent?” Beth says. “We never really escape our pasts, Addy, no matter how far we move away. Didn’t Coach teach your that the same way she taught you exactly how to fuck her—“

“Get your head out of the gutter,” Addy snaps back. “Nothing like that happened. Ever.”

“But you wanted it to,” Beth says. “Was it the blonde hair that got you? The way she never dresses appropriately? She’s always wearing an outfit like she’s filming an office based porno and I bet that’s what you watch together at her house—“ 

“She isn’t you,” Addy repeats. “She’s nice.”

“Oh you think I can’t be nice?” Beth scoffs. “Seriously? That’s it?! I just have to plaster on a fake smile and nod politely and marry some boring banker and then I’ll have you?! I’ve been wasting years pining for you when all I had to do was bleach my hair blonde.” 

“When Coach is hurting, she blames herself, and when you’re hurting, you hurt other people.”

“I only hurt people who have wronged me and deserve it and worse,” Beth justifies herself. “And besides, at least I let you call me by my fucking name. You never call her Colette.”

“She’s never asked me to.” 

The gym floor squeaks beneath Beth’s feet as she steps forward. “She’s using you.”

“And you’re not?!”

Beth moves closer, grabs her hand, holds it like it’s a lifeline, like it’s the only thing she can hold onto. “You’re my girl, Addy. I wanna see you achieve everything you want in life and I wanna go to college with you and share an apartment and see the world outside this town and I want so much. And I don’t know what to do with it, because neediness doesn’t suit me. And it doesn’t suit you, either. I am not using you, I woke you up.” 

Addy pulls her hand back, folds her arms across her chest. She’s only wearing a sports bra and shorts and suddenly feels uncomfortable. “You broke my heart.”

“Coach did it first, and you’ve been breaking my heart since the third grade when you kissed Jayden Smith under the basketball hoops.”

“You don’t like to share me, RiRi told me. And you never have.” 

“I don’t share because people always like someone else more than me,” Beth asserts, blinks a bit like she’s trying not to cry. Or maybe she’s just got an eyelash in her eye. “And when they see there are people better than me, they leave.” 

“I’ve never known anyone like you,” Addy tells her. “Yours was the only kiss that mattered. I won’t leave you. Coach is married, we aren’t going to run off into the sunset together and live in sin.” 

“Marriage isn’t a sacred bound that people like to pretend it is,” Beth reminds her. “I should know, child of divorce and all that shit my eight therapists have told me about.” 

“Eight therapists? Seriously?” 

“I’ve got friends in high places,” Beth says, flips her ponytail back. Her hair is damp with sweat. “My dad liked to fuck them so they never lasted long. Anyway, what do you say, have we kissed and made up?” 

“You haven’t said sorry. Besides, we never kissed more after that night—“

“So you do remember that night then,” Beth says. “Because you started it.”

“Your hands were shaking and it was the first time I’d ever seen you scared,” Addy says. Addy notices that Beth’s hands aren’t shaking now, they are clenched into fists at her sides like she’s about to either yell at her or start cheering aggressively. “I wanted you.”

“Past tense,” Beth remarks. “Was I just not enough for you, huh?”

Addy moves forward, pushing her against a wall and kisses her hard. Beth smiles, all teeth, and bites Addy’s lip. 

“I missed this,” Addy breathes and she’s trying to be gentle, because Beth deserves tenderness after all she’s suffered. She kisses her again, softer this time. It’s so quiet that Addy can hear birdsong outside. “I missed you.”

Beth slips under her arm, grabs her wrist. “I’m gonna get your bracelet back. Or better yet, get you a new one.”

“I’ll never take it off.”

“Keep telling yourself that,” Beth says, pulling Addy closer and leading her toward the showers. “My dad’s got money to burn and you’re worth all of it and more.” 

“Coach never fucked me,” Addy reminds her. “I wanted her to, but I never tried anything. I was too much of a coward. But you don’t scare me, Beth, you never have. You make me feel braver. I’m sorry.” 

“Save the sap for the wedding,” Beth says and kisses her again, turning on the shower head. “Oh, and I’m sorry too.”

Addy realises then that she must mean it because Beth never apologises for anything. Neither will add what they are apologising for. They both already know.

Beth doesn’t take her eyes off her as Addy takes off her shirt.

**Author's Note:**

> binged this show recently, i’m sorry if this sucks aaaa, i wrote this at 4:22am after having a crap day so yeah...anyway addybeth made some points!! 
> 
> *posts this and runs away* 
> 
> come talk to me on [tumblr](https://sansaisalesbian.tumblr.com/) or [twitter](https://twitter.com/lesbosansastark) if you feel so inclined! let’s be friends <333


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